Noughty AF Club!



Giving up Booze 70 days ago, Yes I repeat 70 days ago,  I originally thought it was a guarantee trade-off in return for the following:

 

  1. Living your best Life and remembering it (Alter ego Irene and her memory loss super power had fucked me over enough times)
  2. Getting skinnier, healthier and more glowing (Helloooooo Sassy inner sexy Goddess, can t wait to meet you)
  3. Not drinking, therefore not drunk texting, rowing or causing a street fight over you putting the bins out two days early (I love a bit of Community watch but seriously, no sooner had I committed the crime the Bin police were speeding down my driveway like psychotic over acting extras from Mad Max??)
  4. Eradication of performing non relevant, age inappropriate moves either dancefloor or acrobatically related (Under influence I have the skill set of a trapeze artist with an itchy arse)

 

Well let me tell you dear reader that the reality actually is:

 

  1. Learning what living your best life actually involves aka now there are many more hours in the day to fill.  (Right what the fuck do I do with them so I have something worth remembering never mind instagraming!)
  2. Sugar Cravings and the need to feed your inner Augusto’s Gloop.  (Affectionately known in sobriety circles as the freshers 15 or in female circles of my age blame the sugar belly on the menopause))
  3. Learning new social skills and how to interact with other humans who keep questioning your choice not to drink (I chose to drink 0% as I am hard core ‘noughty as fuck’, so get over it)
  4. Learning new ways to Manage emotions and stress without the pre-programmed ‘Fuck it, let’s get shit faced’ response (I meditate, I drink green tea, I burn candles yet still want to smack idiots hard across the head with my Spirit and Destiny magazine!

 

Ten weeks into Sober life and I am working on the reality day by day and in particular learning a huge big deal about my emotions and by emotions I mean what seriously pisses me off. Whilst I take a well needed chill pill here’s a couple of examples and I assure you I will be sharing more as I continue to walk the sober line with as much pizzazz as an asthmatic tortoise.

 

Other people’s driving

Never it seems in my entire life have I realised how many utterly shite drivers are on the roads.  In particular the very shite driving and very irritated, yellow coloured (complete with go faster skid mark stripes) BMW driving ManBoy, who yesterday drove up my arse for 3 miles (of road not arse obviously), clearly irritated to fuck that I was ONLY driving a few miles OVER the 70 speed limit, thus preventing him from zooming past and gaining approximately 30 ft to be consistently stuck up the arse of the next law abiding citizen in front of me.  Well for the record Mr Nicotine coloured BMW yes I did seriously for a nano second hope to see you veered off the road in a burning ball of smoke at the next bend, but now I have calmed down, had three massages, a cold bath and chanted for 24 hours, I think you need to slow down a tad to prevent an accident (you clearly were one so we don’t need any more).

 

Supermarket Cashiers

If Great Britain are short of any members for the Olympic curling or table ice hockey team in fact, look no further than the masters in training at my local Aldi.  They have nailed the art of gliding all your food items at the speed of light into the shopping trolley target or at you as a matter of fact, if they feel you aren’t joining in the glorious game.  Standing back it would seem is not acceptable practice and instead you must risk, life, limb and serious friction burns trying to stop your flying scouring pads and gliding shopping in its tracks.  Simply makes my newly detoxed blood boil. 

 

On a positive note and there aren’t many this week as I have had a bad back, I have registered a new domain name having written this blog and become obsessed with 0% alcohol booze alternatives. It’s called the Noughty as fuck (Or alcohol free if you are polite) club www.noughtyafclub.co.uk and it will be coming to a firewall near you very shortly.

 

Happy Sunday one and all

 

Sue xxx




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