'One Last More' The Secret Diary of a Working Wino

  This sober bitch is getting very pissy with life at the moment.   Its April, its fucking freezing and Rob is on a Money supermarket dot com mission to save as much gas as we can by not heating the house, not running hot water and saving as much petrol as we can by walking the fuck everywhere. His idea of effectively heating the bedroom is farting uncontrollably in the bed and comfortably bedding down into a duvet cocooned sleep position like a fat fucking blue bottle on a cow pat…. I am not impressed.   Don’t get me wrong, I do love a bit of Martin Lewis in the morning and his saucy tips on effective pump action just as much as the next menopausal woman but fuck me I am freezing.   Robs been stockpiling gas, frantically taking notes of every fucking meter we own, tutting away, re recording the slightly moved meter numbers and searching around the surrounding fields looking for a suspected marijuana plantation that could potentially be dipping into our i...

  Tomorrow is day 100 since I broke it off and ended my love affair with the Gin Bottle.  Gone are the days of dancing with the devil, tangoing with tossers and shimmying with sharks to get a round in at the bar.   Money saved according to my booze breaker app is apparently £800.  This figure is actually bollocks as the app only takes liquid into consideration for savings, AND they only had £4 a bottle wine to select so I went for Hardy’s!!!  ALSO methinks, what about the accompanying daily chalky consumption and hard cash saved on Gaviscon!   Hummm The mind boggles and I literally am hyperventilating into my empty mini egg packet at the thought of the cash saved and how fast I can get to Selfridges to treat myself.   Sober people used to bore the shite out of me and in the past if I stumbled on one whilst out and about in a bar, I would literally turn on my heels, knowing I would have a more fruitful chat if I had turned around and spent t...